Have you ever seen two children playing peacefully, enjoying life, when one of them suddenly provokes a fight and shouts at the other: “I don’t like you! I will never talk to you again! I hate you!”? But what happens a few minutes later? They make peace. They forget their grudges and they forgive each other.
Can we grown-ups be like children? Can we learn a lesson from their example? We, too, fight—but usually we do not so easily forgive. In fact, some of us do not even know what real forgiveness is. In God’s Church, we especially concentrate our thoughts on forgiveness around Passover time. But God wants us to have the Passover attitude all the time.
I remember a man, years ago, who wanted to be baptized. He understood the Truth. He was ready and willing to keep God’s commandments, including observance of the Sabbath. But when we came to the subject of forgiveness, he stiffened. “I can never forgive my wife who ran away with another man,” he said angrily. “Nor can I ever forgive that man!” He could not understand that true Christians must be willing to forgive, no matter how deeply we may have been hurt. That is one of the major requirements for salvation.
It is not our responsibility to seek vengeance. Rather, we must seek forgiveness and reconciliation. We are to be merciful (Matthew 5:7; Luke 6:36). We are to be longsuffering (Galatians 5:22; Ephesians 4:2). We are to seek peace (Psalm 34:14; 1 Peter 3:11). Sometimes, however, we do not find peace. If a brother or sister offends us, God has given us a proven tool for addressing the offense (Matthew 18:15–17).
Overcome Evil With Good
But we live in a world full of sin and evil. How should we react when no reconciliation seems possible? Notice what the Apostle Paul wrote: “Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord. Therefore, ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:17–21).
Do we dwell on others’ evil deeds? Or are we willing to extend mercy, patience and longsuffering, always eager to forgive others? We know that salvation is a free gift of God. But it is free with conditions. One condition is our willingness to forgive. We often seem to overlook Christ’s emphasis on forgiveness in the pattern of prayer He gave to His disciples. He told us to pray to the Father, saying: “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). In some translations, this verse reads: “as we have forgiven our debtors.” In plain language, this means that God will only forgive us to the measure that we forgive others. This key point is repeated more strongly in the following verse: “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14–15).
Most of us do not take this warning seriously. We bear grudges. For instance, when we meet someone who has done wrong to us, we immediately remember his sins, and are often unwilling to forget them. The Apostle Peter asked Jesus Christ: “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” (Matthew 18:21). Christ’s reply was: “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22). In plain language, this means we must always be ready to forgive.
Some of us are satisfied by doing those things we know to be “necessary”—such as keeping the Sabbath and the Holy Days, and paying our tithes. But is that all God requires of us? Is there more to being a true Christian?
Mercy
We know Matthew 23 as the chapter that deals with hypocrisy. The Pharisees presented themselves as law-keepers, but in a hypocritical way. Christ reproved them, saying: “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faith. These you ought to have done, without leaving the others undone” (Matthew 23:23).
Time and again, I have heard non-members say that the members of God’s Church are too legalistic—that we emphasize the keeping of the law, but fail to express enough love and mercy. Why do we sometimes leave such an impression? Do we really know what mercy is? Do we realize that mercy goes hand in hand with forgiveness? Put simply, if we lack mercy, our religion is in vain. As Christians, we must endeavor to overcome our human nature. We must admit and recognize our faults—and repent. Lack of mercy is a very common fault, even in God’s Church. Think of it. Has God been merciful with you? Has He always given you the justice you deserve? Or has He been longsuffering, waiting for you to repent and turn to Him? What right do we have—you and I—to withhold mercy from others? Think of the parable of the unforgiving servant. He received mercy from his master, but demanded justice of a fellow servant in his debt (Matthew 18:23–35).
It is natural to want justice for ourselves—and we know that there is much injustice in the world around us. Can we truly forgive a grave injustice against us—one so serious that we cannot seem to forget it? Yes, we can! We can do it by following Christ’s example. Our God is a God of longsuffering, mercy and forgiveness. Christ told us: “Love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful” (Luke 6:35–36). Remember Christ’s words: “For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you” (Matthew 7:2). As Christians, full of mercy and longsuffering, we must always judge with righteous judgment (John 7:24).
The Right Approach
Consider again King David’s example. Often when we think of David, we first think of his adultery with Bathsheba. But that is not how God thinks of David. Notice what God Himself said about His servant David: “I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after My own heart, who will do all My will” (Acts 13:22). David sinned much, but he also repented deeply. That is one reason why he was a man after God’s own heart. As God did with David, we too should rejoice in others’ repentance, rather than constantly remembering their faults (James 4:11–12).
And how about Job? Most of us think of Job as a self-righteous individual. Yes, he was self-righteous. So are you, at times, and so am I. However, God did not look at Job the way we often do. “There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was blameless and upright, and one who feared God and shunned evil” (Job 1:1). Notice that God did not say: “There was a man in the land of Uz, who was self-righteous, and I corrected him.” God did not dwell forever on Job’s sins; He praised Job, who not only withstood Satan’s temptations, but repented of his own sins. In allowing his trials, God knew that Job had enough faith and strength to resist Satan. In all probability, most of us would have fallen if we had been in Job’s shoes (1 Corinthians 10:13).
As Christians, we need to be able to look past the hurts and offenses against us. Consider Paul’s example. How would you have reacted if you were treated the way he was? After his conversion, when he began to live as a true Christian, serving God, he was blamed and accused—not only by outsiders but also by many in the Church. Did he become discouraged? No. Rather, he became the man who wrote 14 New Testament epistles, explaining what the true Christian attitude should be—how to be humble, how to show mercy and longsuffering, and how to forgive. Paul’s writings reveal how to fight our human nature, because he went through such fights in his own life. It was not easy for Paul to forgive those—even his own brethren—who were constantly attacking him. Still, he showed mercy and longsuffering, forgiving again and again. How could he do this? “By purity, by knowledge, by longsuffering [willingness to suffer even though it hurts], by kindness, by the Holy Spirit, by sincere love, by the word of truth, by the power of God, by the armor of righteousness on the right hand and on the left” (2 Corinthians 6:6–7). Notice that when Paul was wronged, he did not presume to seek vengeance—as in the matter of Alexander the coppersmith, he was able to let go and trust in God’s judgment (2 Timothy 4:14–16). This is how we, too, should conduct ourselves.
We must also be careful of our anger. In Ephesians 4, a very revealing chapter, Paul explains how to be a true Christian both in word and deed. “Therefore, putting away lying, ‘Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,’ for we are members of one another. ‘Be angry and do not sin’” (Ephesians 4:25–26). Indeed, sometimes our anger plunges us into a sinful attitude. That is why Paul tells us not to “let the sun go down on your wrath” (v. 26). Do we follow his admonition?
When you carefully study Ephesians 4, you will have a better understanding of God’s nature—what He is, what the Church is and how true Christians can one day become Spirit-born sons and daughters of God. “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God,” Paul adds (v. 30). What does that mean? How can we grieve God’s Holy Spirit? We grieve it by yielding to our carnal ways. “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice” (v. 31).
Showing Kindness
Even if someone dislikes us and does evil against us, we should not speak evil against that person. Undoubtedly, this is very hard, and we all fall short in this respect. But this is the best way to start cleansing our hearts, and practicing the weightier matters of the law. Paul shows the next step: “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted” (v. 32). How can you be kind toward those who hate you? You can let go, and ask God to deal with them in His way—in the way that He knows is best for them (Romans 12:19–21). We must never withhold forgiveness. We must be merciful and longsuffering, eager to be “forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
One thing is sure. If we will not forgive, God will not forgive us, either. On the other hand, if we forgive, God will also forgive us. Jesus Christ made this very clear. In the midst of your trials, ask yourself: “If God acted the way I act, where would I be?” Then, be thankful to God that He does not act or think the way human beings do.
We can only overcome our carnal nature by following God’s law—as taught and magnified by Jesus Christ—aided by the Holy Spirit. The more we abide by Christ’s teachings, the easier it becomes to overcome our hostile attitudes. Colossians 3 describes the character of a Christian made new in Christ. Before we came into the Church, we could not totally understand what sin is. We did not fully understand what forgiveness is. But when we received God’s Spirit, our minds began to open to spiritual understanding. A converted individual is someone who grasps the spirit of the law—someone who abides in the law both in the letter and in the spirit. With this in mind, look at Paul’s exhortation: “Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering” (Colossians 3:12). These are the tools that can help us fight against our unforgiving feelings and attitudes.
We must be “bearing with one another”—instead of bearing grudges. “And forgiving one another,” remembering that, “if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do” (Colossians 3:13).
We know these verses rather well; we have read them or heard them time and again. But do we really make serious efforts to live by them? Always bear in mind that forgiveness and salvation go hand in hand: we will not be forgiven if we do not forgive. We will not receive mercy if we do not give mercy. Rather than bear grudges or hate, we should follow Paul’s admonition: “But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection” (Colossians 3:14).
Look also at the example of the martyr Stephen. He was a courageous man. When called to preach boldly, he did not fear to tell the people their sins, even at the price of his own life (Acts 7:59). What were his last words? Surrounded by enemies who were stoning him to death, he proclaimed with a loud voice: “Lord, do not charge them with this sin” (Acts 7:60). Could you—could I—act like him? If Stephen could show such love for those who put him to death, how can we fail to show love to those who disappoint us?
Someone once told me: “We don’t have to forgive those who are not yet called, those who don’t have God’s Spirit.” What a foolish statement! What was Christ’s example? On the cross, when surrounded by people attacking and accusing Him, Christ prayed: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34). Is this the way we think and pray? Do we want to see our enemies receive God’s forgiveness—or His condemnation?
Today, with so much violence in the world, we Christians can be targets for attacks and persecution. We may be tempted to think evil of people and to condemn them. But we must remember that God alone is Judge. We must do what Scripture says: always behave as true Christians, always merciful, always longsuffering, always eager to forgive. If something calls for God’s direct attention or intervention, we can have confidence that He will take care of it at the right time, according to His wisdom.
The Way to Peace
True conversion is a growth process. Gradually, we understand more and more of what the Bible teaches. Gradually, we see and understand more and more about how God works. Certainly, we repented at baptism to the best of our ability. But, as we grow, most of us will find that we gain deeper and deeper understanding of what true repentance really means. When I look back on my own life, I can see how poor my understanding was at the time of my baptism. When we bury the old man at baptism, the new man has God’s Spirit within, which enables him to understand and to live according to God’s will. God forgave us at baptism when we repented of our sins, but as we grow we will come to see ourselves more clearly, and we will continue to repent—and continue to receive God’s forgiveness. The Holy Spirit helps us grow in the grace and the knowledge of Christ, and helps us have the strength to be merciful and longsuffering in our dealings with others—even the unrepentant.
As Christians, we should not only seek peace, but pursue it. “Blessed are the peacemakers,” said Christ (Matthew 5:9). Yet, much too often, we fail to be peacemakers. We want to live in peace—to have peace around us—without ourselves procuring it. Actually, if you will not forgive your neighbor, you cannot be a peacemaker. Often, when seeking peace, we expect people to agree with us—to go along with our own thinking and desires. That is not the way to peace.
For example, suppose that someone did something really bad to you. His lies about you even caused you to be thrown in jail for several years. Could you forgive that individual? What would you do to him if, later in life, you happened to occupy a very high post? I have in mind the story of Jacob’s son Joseph. His brothers were jealous of him, because their father loved Joseph “more than all his children.” So, Joseph’s brothers hated him, and sold him to Midianite traders.
Joseph was forced to live in a strange country. He suffered much. He was falsely accused and even persecuted for adultery he did not commit. He was thrown in jail. But God knew Joseph’s heart and blessed him. Finally, Joseph became second under Pharaoh. We all know this story very well. What did Joseph do when he was reunited with his brothers? He forgave them. He showed mercy to them, while their guilty consciences caused them to fear for their own lives when they faced him. Joseph’s brothers did not know the meaning of forgiveness. But Joseph did. When he revealed himself to his brothers, his first question to them was: “I am Joseph; does my father still live?”(Genesis 45:3). His question shows concern, love and respect. His brothers “could not answer him, for they were dismayed in his presence… so they came near. Then he said: ‘I am Joseph your brother, whom you sold into Egypt’” (Genesis 45:3–4).
Rather than blaming his brothers, Joseph saw God’s hand in the circumstances. As Paul wrote: “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). If we have such faith, and such a forgiving and loving attitude, then all things will work together for our good. Joseph’s example shows us what true forgiveness is. Joseph had witnessed God’s comforting hand during his trial, suffering and misfortune. What a great lesson for us to learn (Genesis 45:5–8)!
The Bible says: “The discretion [or “intelligence”] of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression” (Proverbs 19:11). Do you understand the meaning of this truth? It exhorts us to forget hurts, to forgive and to overlook our neighbor’s wrongdoing toward us. God tells us not to seek vengeance. “Do not say, ‘I will do to him just as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work’” (Proverbs 24:29). Yet, more often than not, we tend to render to our neighbor according to his work. Hurting others or seeking vengeance is not the way to procure and to pursue peace. Not the way to be Christian. Not the way to forgive. God is a God of mercy, and Christ told us to be merciful just as our Father is merciful (Luke 6:36).
God’s Most Uplifting Promise
David was a man after God’s own heart, mainly because of what God saw in him. “Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven” (Psalm 32:1). Is our transgression forgiven? Yes! At the time of our baptism, all our past sins were forgiven, washed away and buried. Sadly, despite God’s own assurance, some of His people still dwell on their past sins. They have not learned to forgive themselves as God forgives. Ministers have to deal with this problem, especially at Passover time, when, while examining their hearts, some brethren keep condemning themselves for their old sins—sins that had been forgiven once and for all. Some even nurture doubts in their minds about their own conversion. They forget that God cannot lie. If He says that He has forgiven your sins at the time of your baptism, what right do you have not to forgive yourself? “Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity” (Psalm 32:2). God stopped imputing our iniquity—our past sins—when we were baptized, and we must turn away from sin and live without leaven, spiritually speaking.
In His parable of the prodigal son, Christ clearly described three categories of people. First, the merciful father who forgave his prodigal son. Second, the prodigal son himself who, after deep and sincere repentance, returned to his father with humility. Third, the elder brother who apparently considered himself a good son. But was the elder brother really a good son? It is true that he did not waste his time and money with prostitutes. Rather, he chose to dwell with his father and—according to his own way of thinking—he led a decent life. But did he, really? Why was he unwilling to forgive his younger brother, who had returned home full of true repentance and clothed with humility? The merciful father did not hesitate to forgive his prodigal son. But it was not so with the elder brother— the one who thought of himself as being good. He was angry. He would not even go into the house to welcome his brother. His father had to come out of the house to plead with him (Luke 15:26–28).
In your own way, are you like the prodigal son’s elder brother—or, are you a humble and merciful person? Do you cling to self-righteousness and think yourself better than others? Do you withhold forgiveness from those who seek it? Always bear in mind this basic principle: if you are not willing to forgive, God will not forgive you. Only the forgiving will be forgiven. And you must seek peace, before you can enjoy peace of mind.
Do we dwell on others’ sins? Or are we quick to show mercy, patience and longsuffering, always eager to forgive? What will God’s attitude be at the resurrection, when we are changed from physical into spiritual beings— literally born of God, into His Family? God will then bless us with an eternally comforting promise: “Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more” (Hebrews 10:17).
Let us all express our deep appreciation and gratitude to God by following His example—now!