Stress is not something unknown to godly women. In chapter 1 of 1 Samuel, we read of righteous Hannah who was childless while her husband’s other wife, Peninnah, gave him many children. As a result, Peninnah mocked Hannah’s barrenness. She used her sharp tongue to cut and wound Hannah. Peninnah’s actions were probably motivated by jealousy because their husband, Elkanah, loved Hannah and gave her a specially honourable portion when they went up to Shiloh, to worship God and offer sacrifices.
Peninnah did not understand that the Lord had closed Hannah’s womb and that it was not some form of punishment. However, her repeated spitefulness, using her tongue like a sword, so greatly stressed Hannah that she did not eat. Then, when Hannah was at the Tabernacle crying out to God, she was mistaken by Eli, the High Priest, for being a drunken woman, whereas Hannah was actually praying from the heart, not just the mouth.
Yet God understood Hannah’s pain and sincerity. Consequently He blessed her with Samuel, a very special son, who later became a judge in Israel. Then after Samuel was weaned and given to God for His service, the Lord again blessed Hannah with other children (1 Samuel 2:5).
As a result, God allowed Hannah’s prayer to become part of the Scriptures: “Talk no more so very proudly; let no arrogance come from your mouth, for the Lord is the God of knowledge; and by Him actions are weighed” (1 Samuel 2:3). Hannah understood that she did not have to “get even” with Peninnah. She left it to God.
Wearing Away Stone
Perhaps a number of us might sympathize with Hannah if we have ever suffered under the lash of the tongue. Nagging, belittling or continual digging at a person’s known sensitive spot is like the dripping of water that eventually wears away stone: it can wear away our nerves, confidence and patience. But like Hannah, and with God’s strength, we can resist the temptation to fly back with that carefully thought out retaliatory retort, which would be equally cruel and hurtful.
If in prayer we place the whole situation into God’s capable hands, and leave it there, He will take care of it. After all, “He who planted the ear, shall He not hear? He who formed the eye, shall He not see?” (Psalm 94:9).
Stress can come in a variety of other ways—sometimes suddenly, from the unexpected death of a loved one, or sometimes in ways that wear one down over time.
A Soldier’s Story
Not so very long ago, in the United States, a young veteran soldier was driving his mother along a road when a nearby train sounded its horn. He was so shocked by the noise that he immediately flung open the car door and leapt out, leaving it to crash into the curb.
This young man, who had so eagerly joined the armed services, had come under attack many times while on tours of duty. One particularly serious incident had incurred a blow to the head that caused traumatic brain injury. His body was so peppered with shrapnel that whenever he walked through an airport security screen he set off the alarm.
Not much later, at the age of 23, this poor young man committed suicide and became part of a gruesome statistic. In 2012, 177 U.S. soldiers took their own lives—a death toll exceeding the 176 who were killed while in the combat zone.
In an interview given later after her son’s death, his mother said that the nights were the worst for him. He had dreadful nightmares, and actually slashed his own face with a knife on one occasion.
She continued that she did not think her son had ever read Shakespeare’s Macbeth, but she was moved to notice that, after he returned from his final tour of duty in Afghanistan, he kept rubbing his hands over and over and then rinsing them under the tap. “Mom,” he said “It won’t come off.” When she asked what he was talking about, he replied: “The blood! It won’t come off!”
This young man who committed suicide was overcome by extreme stress because of his involvement in continual and extreme violence. Thankfully in God’s soon coming Kingdom, our children will not “learn war anymore” (Micah 4:3).
Stress is by no means confined to soldiers, or to men. Recent studies have in fact found that women tend to suffer from stress more than men, and react to stress in different ways. Women are far more likely to dwell on a problem, become emotional and feel extremely anxious.
In fact, so found one study, women who work in a predominately male-dominated environment often feel inadequate or experience a sense of failure. As they make great efforts to equal or surpass their male counterparts, they work twice as hard to prove themselves and experience tremendous stress as a result.
It was also found that married women are far more likely to suffer stress than single women. This is easy enough to understand when we realize that today’s woman often has significant responsibilities outside the home, yet may shoulder most or all of the household responsibilities as well, especially when a husband does not or cannot share the load as appropriate.
Such stresses inevitably take their toll. For women, more than men, stress is far more likely to manifest itself in eating disorders—either not eating at all or binge eating. Too much alcohol can also be a temptation. Insomnia may be a problem. Some women of childbearing age may even find their periods becoming irregular.
Problem-Solving
How, then, to deal with stressors? Experienced counsellors advise that one should try to become a “problem solver.” The first step they suggest is to make a list of problems. Think about each one calmly, and meditate on possible solutions. Tackle the easier ones first and, as they are resolved, confidence will build to tackle the larger issues.
Sometimes small matters are not worth the stress of arguing over, so try to meet the other person halfway or concede.
Taking care of the body is also important. Get sufficient sleep and eat properly. Research has shown that physical activity can relax tense muscles and greatly aid the relief of depression—even a short walk can help.
Women, it was discovered, found much more help and consolation in confiding their difficulties to another family member or friend. As the old adage says: “A problem shared is a problem halved.” The Apostle Paul also counselled us to “Bear one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2). So perhaps we can all help in this by just being willing to listen to another lady member’s problems, and even if we do not have an immediate “magic” answer we can give encouragement and continually pray about the issue, remembering to keep it confidential if necessary.
Insufficient finances can also become a stressor, especially if we get behind on bill payments.
There is much good advice on the Internet and elsewhere about budgeting. Debt counsellors are also available. However, if the case is joblessness then we should pray about the situation and then do all we can to find work. One might also want to read Dr. Meredith’s booklet entitled: God’s People Tithe!
However, there are sometimes emergency situations when we need God’s intervention immediately. So, I would like to tell you a true story.
Many years ago a long-time Church couple with young children went through a period of poverty to the extent that they did not even have money for basic groceries. So after praying in faith, the husband told his wife to take her shopping bag and go to the local store and get the necessities needed, and that God would provide. Faithfully and without question, his wife started off to the store. On the way she found a £1 note lying on the pavement. She picked it up but then returned home. Fearing that this was perhaps a temptation from Satan to steal a nearby neighbour’s money, the couple handed it in to the local constable. The constable meticulously took down the details in his book, but then as the couple stood up to leave, he pushed the £1 note into the husband’s pocket saying: “No one ever comes in here to claim lost money.” So because of their absolute trust in God, He did provide!
Stress can also come from moving house, exams and many other sources, but perhaps one of the worst stresses of all is illness—either looking after someone with a long-term debilitating sickness or personally experiencing chronic or terminal illness.
If caring for a loved one with a chronic illness goes on day and night, year after year, it can be extremely wearing and will often affect the caregiver’s own health. Watching that loved one deteriorate and dwindle away on a daily basis is a truly heart-wrenching situation, and in the end death descends like a peaceful blessing. Therefore, if it is viable, volunteering to sit with the sick person occasionally can be a great help, and may enable the caregiver to have some respite.
A Way of Escape
Speaking from personal experience, and not in a cold, clinical way, I understand only too well the stress of living with terminal illness, especially if one lives alone. However, throughout my own ten and a half years’ trial with cancer, though God has not yet healed me, He has rescued me again and again. There have been many occasions when I felt I could not continue, but each time, after fervent prayer, He has always intervened in some way and provided “a way of escape” (1 Corinthians 10:13) so that I have been able to continue with a basic routine.
God is faithful and He will never renege on His promises. He will also not try or test us more than we can stand and He always only does, or allows, what is best for us. He loves us so much that He wants us to have His character and be fully trained as first fruits in His glorious coming Kingdom. No suffering is ever in vain!
Sometimes, we may even be overwhelmed by the stress of realizing that we will die. Yet how many of us have faced such a moment, only to continue on? We can take comfort in the words of Job 5:19 and 26: “He shall deliver you” from many troubles, and “You shall come to the grave at a full age,” according to His time and purpose!
As Christian women, we can also take comfort in knowing that a time will eventually come when “God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain” (Revelation 21:4). The stresses of today will seem as nothing compared to the reward we are to receive at the resurrection. God speed that day!