To become a widow can be a very traumatic and sorrowful time in a woman’s life. Some are widowed at a young age, and others after many years of marriage. Either way, it can be very difficult. It takes time to recover and move on—some longer than others. This process, I have observed, can be very daunting and challenging—almost overwhelming at times. When a widow finally comes to grips with the situation and takes her time in making decisions concerning her future, then she can more clearly understand in which direction her life should go and how best to cope.
As Christian women, knowing the truth concerning the resurrection is priceless—and is a great source of comfort and hope for widows. “But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 4:13–14).
Again and again, I have seen personally how God loves the widows and is very concerned for their welfare. This is no surprise, as in Scripture God instructed the nation of Israel through Moses concerning the widows and their offspring. “You shall not afflict any widow or fatherless child” (Exodus 22:22). Also in Deuteronomy 10:17–18 we read, “For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality nor takes a bribe. He administers justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the stranger, giving him food and clothing.”
In the New Testament, these same judgments and principles were also applied, as we see in Acts 6:1–6 and also in James 1:27.
A widow’s prayers are very important and special to God. We read of the prophetess Anna, who served God in the temple day and night with prayer and fasting (Luke 2:36–37). Over the years, I have often seen that God seems to “lean in just a little bit closer” to listen to a sincere, heartfelt prayer of a widow whose life is dedicated to Him. A widow’s prayer is a vital tool that can pack a powerful punch!
In the Charlotte, North Carolina congregation, where my husband serves as an Associate Pastor, we have many widows—very fine, loyal and dedicated women. In talking to some of them, I have heard moving stories of how they have managed, coped and moved forward through the years since becoming a widow. Their responses had a number of points basically in common:
- God is their mainstay—their greatest source of comfort, courage and strength.
- The continued support from family, friends and Church brethren is a constant source of both help and encouragement.
- Knowing the truth, and keeping their hearts in God’s Work, helps them stay on their toes and have focus and purpose.
- Giving of themselves in service to others helps to alleviate the loneliness, and brings as much or more pleasure to them as to the recipients.
These widows, like many others, have chosen to move forward and bear fruit. This is as it should be—and is what their husbands would want them to do.
Over the years, I have been blessed by the wisdom of many widows I have come to know due to my husband’s various transfers to pastor different congregations. Three incidents in particular, which I will share here, stand out in my memory.
The Widow’s Wise Advice
I was especially moved when, at a gathering for dinner in a widow’s home, this wise lady said to all of us, “Women who still have husbands need to appreciate them, because I truly miss mine.” These are wise words, indeed, because it is so easy to fall into the habit of taking our loved ones for granted and to lose the appreciation that we should have for them. We need to appreciate our husbands while we have the opportunity.
The Widow’s Key
In another Church area, my husband and I would visit a widow who had checked herself into a nursing home because of frail health. She has been an exceptional example there. We would ask her how she was doing. She would not complain, but she would fill us in on any health issues or contrary changes and conditions at the nursing home. And then, she would always say, “But things could be worse.” In my mind, I can still hear her saying that. Being close to God, she has tapped into a key that helps her to cope. Thinking of all of the things that could be worse by comparison lends perspective to the current state of affairs, and helps one to be more tolerant and therefore better able to cope.
The Widow’s Pillow
In another Church area, on our last Sabbath there before relocating to another area, a petite elderly widow approached me after services with a gift that she had made herself. It was a beige towel that she had made into a pillow. It was filled with soft filling and trimmed with brown and beige fringe. I thanked her warmly for it, and we chatted for a while, and then I took it home with me. Even though I could find no decorative or necessary use for the pillow, I was determined to keep it because this kind, gentle widow had given it to me.
Later, after about a year in our new location, I had settled into an early morning routine that I had established for quite some time. Being an early riser, I would go into the kitchen, and for a little sustenance eat a ripe banana and have a cup of hot coffee—so as to not be groggy. Then I would take care of my morning prayer and study. By daybreak, I was out the door for my five-mile morning jog.
On one particular morning, as I was nearing the end of my jog, I tripped on a rough place in the pavement and fell and broke my left wrist. The situation was very serious, and my husband took me to the hospital emergency room.
When we arrived at the E.R., the staff was undergoing a shift change, and there was no doctor there yet. The hospital staff put me in a room where I had to wait for an hour. In the meantime, my wrist was settling into a very unnatural position. Finally, a doctor and his male assistant came in. They asked me to sit on a table facing them. The assistant said to me, “We could put you to sleep, but that would take too long”—they must have been behind schedule!
I had no idea what to expect. The assistant gripped my right hand in his, and held my forearm firmly, then said, “Brace yourself, this will be painful.” So, I gripped his hand and braced myself. Then the doctor took my limp left hand, held my forearm firmly and pulled the hand and wrist forward—jerking, twisting and pushing my wrist back into place. My husband could hear my cry of agony from the hallway. They then bandaged the wrist and sent me home.
Shortly after arriving home, I realized to my dismay that my wrist was so deeply bruised, sore and sensitive that I could not lay it on anything to rest it, because the pressure brought severe pain and suffering. I could not even lay it on my lap, and a sling was out of the question. As the day wore on—with hour after stressful hour of not being able to rest my wrist—the situation was becoming unbearable, to the point of making me physically ill and desperate. All we could do was pray to God for mercy and help.
Then I thought of the widow’s pillow. I remembered that it was very soft. I thought to myself, “Maybe, just maybe.” I took the pillow out of the closet, sat down in a comfortable chair and put the pillow in my lap. Then I gingerly laid my wrist on the pillow. I experienced such welcoming softness—no pressure, no pain, just instant relief—answered prayer! I was so thankful for the widow’s pillow and so very appreciative of it.
Needless to say, as my wrist healed, I took the pillow everywhere with me, even to Church services. Never mind that it was not decorative. Never mind that it was not fancy. It was just what I needed.
I still have the widow’s pillow, and I will always keep it because of the blessing it brought to me in my time of need.
One never knows how far-reaching a widow’s act of kindness, her gift, or her good example may be, such as the widow’s pillow. In Luke 21:1–4, Christ pointed out the example of the widow’s two mites. “And He looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury, and He saw also a certain poor widow putting in two mites. So, He said, ‘Truly I say to you that this poor widow has put in more than all; for all these out of their abundance have put in offerings for God, but she out of her poverty put in all the livelihood that she had.’” This widow’s example is still reaching down through the centuries teaching lessons.
It takes courage and fortitude for widows to move forward, bearing fruit. But blessings abound for those who do. In Ecclesiastes 11:1 we read these encouraging words, “Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days.” If you are a widow, take comfort in God’s word, and rejoice in His plan for you. If you are not a widow, be grateful for the wisdom and experience the widows may offer, and be sure to give them the honor God wants them to have.