One summer evening years ago, I was outside talking with a neighbor as our kids were playing together in our front yards. While we were chatting, our husbands drove in from work, waved to us, and went inside. After a few minutes, my husband poked his head out of the door and said to me, “When you get a second, could you please come in and take care of dinner? I’m starving.” I asked my friend if she would be willing to watch the kids for a few minutes while I stepped in the house to help my husband.
She began laughing hysterically and said, “You’re not actually going to go in and serve his highness dinner, are you? Tell him that you’re busy and that you’re not his servant.” Despite her remarks, I did go inside at my husband’s request, but my neighbor made fun of my actions for months after that. And while I was more than happy to take care of my husband’s needs at his request, I can honestly say that her ridicule deeply bothered me.
As women who know and understand what the Bible teaches about our roles in the family and in the Church, we undoubtedly do our best to adhere to God’s word on the subject. But have we ever taken the time to examine the subtle ways in which societal feminism has crept into our attitudes and views on the topic of womanhood? Do we—without realizing it—buy into the more subtle aspects of feminist ideals? While it is difficult to be completely unaffected by feminist culture, we can certainly try to become aware of its subtle influence on us and safeguard ourselves against its most subversive tenets.
The Modern Independent Woman
One of the most pervasive aspects of the modern feminist ideology is the idea that a woman’s reliance on a man for physical, financial, or emotional support is a weakness and that women must fight for and value independence as a matter of human right and deserved equality. Admittedly, most of us are not activists lobbying for women’s rights—but, if we are not careful, we can certainly become allured by the false idea that the independent woman is complete on her own and that she can gain satisfaction through adopting an attitude (even a mild one) of brashness, stubbornness, and entitlement.
Society celebrates these “independent women” for being strong and progressive. But the Bible says that a woman’s honor and value is in “the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God” (1 Peter 3:4), not in an overbearing presence and insolent demeanor. Further, God says that women are to be honored and cared for by their husbands as the humble, weaker vessel (v. 7), not individuals who are pridefully endeavoring to prove that they have no need to rely on anyone.
We read of Ruth, a widow who decided to journey to a foreign land to serve her mother-in-law, Naomi. She displayed a bit of an independent spirit in making a choice to take on the responsibility of providing for herself and for Naomi without the guarantee of help from others; however, her willingness to attempt survival on her own was not borne of an attitude of stubbornness or arrogance. Ruth was never too proud to submit to the will of her mother-in-law, nor was she ashamed to rely on others for help or charity—characteristics that are quite opposite the modern idea of the independent woman. This becomes evident when she requests to glean the fields of Boaz, essentially asking for charity to survive. Boaz later extends more generosity and even orders his men to leave extra grain for her (Ruth 2:16).
Did Ruth tell Boaz that she didn’t need his charity and that she could take care of herself as a strong, capable woman? Did she feel minimized and weak because he provided for her? Quite the opposite—she fell on her face in humility and gratitude in response to his kindness. Ruth’s humble attitude further contrasts the mindset of the modern independent woman as she later lies at Boaz’s feet, petitioning him to take her as his wife. Throughout the narrative, Ruth never displays pride and willfulness, but acknowledges her role as the weaker vessel and demonstrates with a quiet and humble spirit the willingness and diligence to provide for herself and Naomi.
Women as Decision-Makers
At the forefront of the modern push for female independence is the idea that women should be leaders and have a right to challenge authority figures. While we may not be jockeying to run for public office or become CEO, it is important to examine whether this belief manifests within us in subtle ways. Are we dominating the decision-making in our families? Do we make decisions against our husbands, bosses, or ministers? Do we oppose, murmur against, or undermine decisions made by those above us in the hierarchies within which we operate? If we do any of these things, we may be subtly succumbing to the societal influence to overstep our roles as women.
In Genesis, we read of Eve doing such a thing when she ate of the forbidden fruit. Before Eve was created, God told Adam, “Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die” (Genesis 2:16–17). God gave this admonition directly to Adam, not to Eve. Adam, consistent with familial hierarchy, was responsible for passing God’s instruction to Eve, directing her not to eat of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Later, when Eve made the choice to eat, she allowed Satan to appeal to her desire to be an independent decision-maker, and she took the initiative against the directive given by her husband.
God told Eve—and the women who were to come after her—that “your desire shall be subject to your husband. And he shall rule over you” (Genesis 3:16, Revised Geneva Translation). This warns that even though a woman may at times be tempted to assert her will in opposition to her husband, God has ordained the husband as the immediate authority over his wife. Coupled with the exhortation that wives submit to their husbands as to the Lord (Ephesians 5:22), we see clearly that God intended us to be assistants to our husbands (Genesis 2:18)—full partners serving as second in command. When we accept this role, we uphold the family hierarchy that God ordained for our benefit. Unmarried women must also be willing to submit to fathers, ministers, and bosses (1 Timothy 2:12), in a spirit of willingness to be humble—even though, since it is often contrary to our human will, this is a difficult task that requires prayer and practice to master.
The Modern Career Woman
As opportunities for women to fill traditionally male roles increase in the name of “progress,” the feminist agenda continues to push more aggressively for “equality of the sexes”—or, more accurately, for an eradication of gender roles.
A prominent aspect of this role redefinition is the pressure for the modern woman to work outside the home. While doing so is not necessarily wrong in God’s eyes, the pursuit of a career has become an expectation for women in our culture. Many women feel ashamed to say that they have chosen to become full-time homemakers in lieu of cultivating a career. This is because society views the full-time homemaker as a woman who lacks “real” ambition and intelligence, who is lazily wasting her life because she is not generating income.
But the Proverbs 31 woman would disagree with this viewpoint. Every aspect of the Proverbs 31 woman’s role requires tenacity, skill, intelligence, and dedication. She serves as a true “helpmeet” for her husband and as a hearth-keeper for the family—a most indispensable and prestigious career indeed!
Sadly, however, gender roles have been blurred in society: Women are now made to feel respected only if they are providing a second income, and men are made to feel that they must become co-homemakers. This role-sharing is not aligned with God’s word.
In fact, though it is not wrong for women to work outside the home nor for men to help around the house, God gives us instruction regarding proper gender roles. He says that the obligation to provide for the family falls solely on the man of the house: “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). And in addition to Proverbs 31, God says that women are “to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed” (Titus 2:4–5).
The Bible clearly teaches that providing for the family is an obligation of husbands and homemaking is an obligation of wives, whether or not women work outside the home. So, in the face of pressure to devalue the roles of wife, mother, and homemaker, we need to safeguard ourselves against society’s role-blurring idea that having a career is a requirement for a woman to attain value and respect.
If my former neighbor read these words today, she would probably ridicule me for writing them, because believing and acting contrary to the dominant feminist ideology is extremely unpopular and even shameful in the eyes of most modern women. That is why it is important to honestly evaluate whether we have allowed feminist ideals to quietly creep into our core belief systems. And, throughout this examination process, we must remember that Satan subtly seeks to destroy what makes us distinctly female, while God’s word boldly and unequivocally sets the standard for what defines womanhood. So, sisters in Christ, let’s guard our minds and our attitudes against the subtle tenets of the feminist agenda.