I recently had the opportunity to enjoy a meal with extended family where four generations were represented. Everyone was enjoying the food and the conversation when some of the younger children began to run around, chasing each other as they played a game that was somewhat like tag—despite the fact that we were in a restaurant at the time.
Those of us in the oldest generation looked at each other in disbelief, and someone asked the children’s great-grandmother if she was going to say anything. Her answer was that the children’s parents were at the table, along with one of their grandparents, so she was going to defer to them to correct the children. This was understandable, but as I watched the others at the table, it was clear that the younger generations had no problem with what was happening. Something had gone very wrong. At some point, one generation had failed to pass on the value of what is acceptable public conduct.
I then thought about how much can be lost as one generation makes way for the next. Each generation has a responsibility to pass on crucial knowledge. What does that include, and what role do virtuous women play in disseminating the knowledge that is so vital to a civil society? Let’s briefly discuss that role in this article.
Teaching the Basics
There are many basic skills that parents should teach their children, such as cooking simple meals, cleaning the kitchen and bathroom, making the bed, and other chores for which one has responsibility as a member of a household. This knowledge is necessary and should be passed on. Work is an attribute of God’s character (John 5:17), and all children should learn to make it a part of their lives.
There are also some finer social skills that need to be a part of every generation’s culture. These include gracious manners and courtesy, respect for elders, and people skills, to name but a few. If these social skills are not learned, society will devolve into a crude and vulgar place much like we see today—and worse.
From the way people talk to the way they dress, Western society could be described as having a casual sloppiness that borders on disrespect. Generations ago, many mothers passed on to their children the importance of good manners. Most considered their children’s actions, especially in public, as a reflection of their parenting skills, and to a degree this was true.
As children, we were in big trouble if an adult asked a question and we did not respond promptly and with a polite answer. “Please” and “thank you” were just common courtesies that were expected and practiced by almost everyone; today, one may be more likely to hear please spoken with sarcasm or annoyance than to preface a sincere, polite request. Gracious speech and courtesy are no longer inherent in our society, but they should be part of our experience within God’s Church.
Part of our social training involved learning respect for adults—especially the elderly. If children were seated while adults were standing, they were expected to offer their seats to the adults without being asked. We were taught not to interrupt adults when they were talking unless there was an emergency.
When I was an instructor at a university, one of my former students came back to campus to recruit for his company. When he entered my office, I noticed that he called me by my first name, despite having never received my permission to do so. My disapproval must have showed on my face, because he then asked if it was okay for him to use my first name. I told him that he may address me as Professor English or Mrs. English. He was a little taken aback, but for me it was a matter of age and respect, just as I had been taught.
Our society portrays children as equal in authority to adults—including their parents—and the young as owing no honor to the elderly, but this is not God’s way. God commands us to honor our parents (Exodus 20:12), and He considers respect for our elders very important (Leviticus 19:32). In a broader sense, we are always to esteem others better than ourselves (Philippians 2:3). We have a duty to pass on to the next generation the importance of honoring our parents and elders and showing respect for others. True Christians should not neglect the necessity of proper decorum.
Family Learning
Children learn social graces and what is acceptable behavior within the family structure. They are taught table manners while they eat at the dinner table with their parents. If a family never shares meals together, children may miss out on learning table etiquette and how to engage others in conversation—and a deficit in these skills could affect their ability to make and keep friends or even acquire the job opportunity they desire. There are, of course, many other important lessons taught at the dinner table, but they won’t be discussed here due to the scope of this article.
With instruction, children learn what behaviors are acceptable in different situations. For example, there is nothing wrong with children running and playing—in fact, it is helpful and healthy for them to do so—but they should not be running and playing in places where doing so can lead to accidents and injuries to them, to others, or to property. These things may seem trivial, but they are not. It is important to a civil society that each generation learns about the rules and boundaries that we must respect. Society is failing in this regard, but we must not. We must pass this knowledge on.
The most important things we can pass on to the next generation are God’s values and way of life. The world does not have this knowledge, so it cannot pass it on. We see the results of a society heading for disaster because its people lack the knowledge and wisdom of how to live (Hosea 4:6). God has given His Church understanding of His commandments and His value system, but this knowledge is not imparted by association only. Taking our children with us to Sabbath services is good, but it’s not enough. The Bible instructs us to diligently talk to them about God’s way of life (Deuteronomy 11:19).
As we interact in the world and our children observe us, we have the opportunity to demonstrate godly values in action. Going through the Holy Day seasons, we impart vital knowledge to our children as we explain to them what we are doing and why (Exodus 12:26–27), helping them to understand God’s way of life. We should encourage their questions and be prepared to tell them the reason for the hope that lies within us (1 Peter 3:15). In doing so, we will use this valuable knowledge to edify the next generation, and our children can then use the same insight to benefit their own.
Godly Mothers Are Teachers
So, what responsibility do we as godly women have in sharing information concerning proper behavior, social graces, and even what is right or wrong? Much, indeed! The role God has given us as the most direct caregivers for our children places us in the position of their first teachers. Of course, we cannot teach what we do not know, so it is imperative that we know and understand the way of life God has revealed to us in Scripture—which includes the right way to rear children. The study guide Successful Parenting: God’s Way by Dr. Jeffrey Fall can be of immense help.
Mothers tend to be very soft-hearted toward their children. This is a good thing—God designed us with this tendency. However, we can’t let our tender hearts interfere when instruction and discipline are required. Children are born innocent, but their nature is soon corrupted as they take on some of the characteristics of Satan’s world. As the first line of defense, we should be prepared for this and teach our children to control their impulses (Proverbs 29:15). The mother is most often the one to teach social graces and foster opportunities for the family to practice them. Whether it’s dinner with the entire family, entertaining guests, or some other social gathering, our children can learn from observing proper decorum from us. Demonstrating God’s way of life by example is a very effective way to teach.
If you find that you’re having difficulties with these responsibilities and need help, just ask. Seek help from the wise women in God’s Church who have demonstrated the ability to teach the younger ones (Titus 2:3–4). Through our role as mothers in God’s Church, we can be instruments in passing on proper conduct, social graces, and—most importantly—God’s values and way of life to the next generation.
Society has become more and more crude and vulgar, and this seems to grow worse each day. Profanity, name-calling, and general disrespect for others have become the norm, as we see by their presence in every medium of entertainment. The world is going down the wrong path, and we can’t go along with it. God has called us to be different, to reflect Him in our lives. We are to be a kingdom of kings and priests (Revelation 5:10), and this calling is extended to our children (Acts 2:39).
As members of the household of God, we are to reflect His nature of lovingkindness (Psalm 36:7). Out of this nature will flow actions that are uplifting and pleasant for others to see and experience. If we, as Christian women, can teach our children lovingkindness now—if we pass it on—they can be a blessing to us and to others in the future (Proverbs 22:6).