Young women, having grown up in this world’s society, are faced with many decisions that their forebears were spared. Large numbers of women in today’s world, not knowing the truth about their role in life, tend to make wrong choices and decisions, especially when it comes to morals. Often they make their bad decisions under the influence of false education and poor role models.
When one famous editor of a popular feminist magazine was being interviewed on television, she was asked what advice she would give to a young woman, seeking a compatible husband, who had, after much searching, found no one to her liking in the “singles scene.” This famous editor advised, “If she has exhausted all possibilities with no success, I would tell her to pursue a married man—but not my Harry” (her husband).
Sadly, some naïve women have followed such bad advice—coveting, lusting and even stealing a husband from another woman, and breaking up families as a result of doing so.
Other women have fallen for the false idea that women can and should act as “tough, crude and rough” as any of their male counterparts. In the name of “equality” or “liberation” these women go on to develop a loud, vulgar and contentious spirit and personality—which is not becoming to anyone!
At birth, many baby girls receive biblical names of righteous women. How ironic, then, when one grows up to exhibit an example more like that of Jezebel, the infamous, immoral, wicked woman who influenced her husband, King Ahab, to commit almost every kind of evil imaginable. “But there was no one like Ahab who sold himself to do wickedness in the sight of the Lord, because Jezebel his wife stirred him up” (1 Kings 21:25). Later on, Jezebel’s life came to an ignominious and bloody end, as was foretold by Elijah the prophet (2 Kings 9:30–37).
Two Positive Examples
In contrast to these negative examples, the Apostle Peter instructs us, “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear” (1 Peter 3:1–2). A lady’s chaste conduct in the fear of God does not go unnoticed—and can even win a husband to the truth!
Peter further states, “Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God” (vv. 3–4).
We live today in an age of celebrity-worship and body-worship. A woman can spend hours at the salon, gym or even at home working on her outward appearance to beautify the self. It is certainly not wrong to have a nice appearance—in fact, we should—but it should be to honor and glorify God, not self. Peter was emphasizing that a woman’s main focus should be on developing her inner character, not her outward appearance. Godly character will endure, but the flesh will not.
We are told in verses 5–6 to emulate the holy women from former times, who adorned themselves with a gentle and quiet spirit—women such as Sarah, who obeyed Abraham, even calling him her lord. Yet Sarah, though gentle in spirit, was no “doormat.” She knew how to “stand her ground” when necessary.
Scripture recounts that Abraham made a great feast on the day when Isaac was weaned. “And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, whom she had borne to Abraham, scoffing. Therefore she said to Abraham, ‘Cast out this bondwoman and her son; for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, namely with Isaac.’ And the matter was very displeasing in Abraham’s sight because of his son” (Genesis 21:8–11).
Yet God did not hold this bold action against Sarah, nor even call her into question about it. Rather, God encouraged Abraham. “But God said to Abraham, ‘Do not let it be displeasing in your sight because of the lad or because of your bondwoman. Whatever Sarah has said to you, listen to her voice; for in Isaac your seed shall be called’” (v. 12). “Yet I will also make a nation of the son of the bondwoman, because he is your seed” (v. 13).
The example of Ruth also comes to mind. She took Naomi’s advice, and humbled herself to follow the Israelite custom of lying down at the feet of Boaz, showing that she desired to be his wife. One special aspect of Ruth’s life is that, after she became Boaz’s wife and bore him a son, she then entered into the lineage of David, and thus of the Lord Jesus Christ. “So Boaz took Ruth and she became his wife; and when he went in to her, the Lord gave her conception, and she bore a son” (Ruth 4:13). “Salmon begot Boaz, and Boaz begot Obed” (v. 21). “Obed begot Jesse, and Jesse begot David” (v. 22).
Of course, we could go on to mention many other holy women, including Esther, Abigail and Rahab.
Gentle, Outgoing and Friendly
Having a gentle and quiet spirit does not mean that a woman cannot have an outgoing, friendly and interesting personality. She can even be a leader in her own right, using her God-given talents and abilities, much like the ideal virtuous woman of Proverbs 31:10–31.
Many times, over the years, I have studied the example of this virtuous Proverbs 31 woman. By all indications, this wonderful lady conducted herself with a gentle and quiet spirit. We read in verse 11 that she was very trustworthy. Further into the chapter, we see that she was industrious and creative. She not only took good care of her household and family; she had business savvy as well. Evidently, she had her own career as a seamstress, working from home to supply garments for merchants. She also had expertise in real estate and agriculture—“she considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard” (v. 16). Talk about multi-tasking—could she ever! And she did not even have a computer!
Apparently, this virtuous woman was very influential in her husband’s success: “Her husband is known in the gates [where important governmental decisions were made], when he sits among the elders of the land” (v. 23).
Busy as she was, she was never too busy to reach out to the poor and needy (v. 20). Her husband and children were well pleased with her (v. 28). She was known for her wisdom and kindness (v. 26), and she was respected as a God-fearing woman (v. 30).
Today, when we as Christian woman strive to emulate the holy women of old, it is we ourselves who must adorn the self with a gentle and quiet spirit. To do this takes hard work, study and prayer. It is an ongoing process, which we must cultivate carefully until it becomes a godly habit. It does not “just happen,” and it often means going against the worldly society around us. We must work diligently to maintain and enhance such godly character in ourselves.
Points To Consider
What can we as Christian women do to advance along this journey? A few areas we can address are:
Speech. Even though we may be very careful to not gossip or slander, we can sometimes fall into the habit of talking too much or being too loud (Ecclesiastes 3:7). Stimulating conversation can be uplifting and fun, when shared in a giving way. A good habit to build is to watch what we say, as well as the tone, manner and approach of how we say it.
Modest attire. A good rule of thumb when buying clothing is to stay with the classics. Good quality clothes with classic lines are always in style. They are more expensive, but last longer. The good news is that they always go on sale at the end of a season. Avoid outlandish and gaudy styles. Skip the mini-skirts, low-cut blouses/dresses and skin-tight jeans. They detract from female dignity. We can teach our daughters this.
Proper hair care. Since a woman’s hair is her glory, she should treat it as such. Beautiful, clean, shining hair with a becoming hair style can enhance her other natural attributes—especially since she is the glory of the man (1 Corinthians 11:7, 15).
Stature and bearing. In order to conduct ourselves with grace and dignity, good posture is a must, as befits us as followers of Christ.
Social graces. We can study material on the social graces in order to keep up to date on proper etiquette, which changes from time to time over the years. Our education can then benefit the whole family.
When we understand these five points and their proper spiritual intent in conjunction with the sterling examples of the holy women, we can recognize them as vital tools in cultivating, maintaining and enhancing a gentle and quiet spirit, for a woman’s godly example in speech, demeanor, modest appearance, conduct and good works reflects her inner character, which glorifies God.