A grumpy, rude, resentful, unloving and fault-finding individual usually has few friends. Such negative character traits are not conducive to building close relationships; when displayed, they repel family, neighbors and associates.
God's ministers often cite Proverbs 18:24—"A man who has friends must himself be friendly"—to encourage Church members to become more socially involved in congregational activities, and to develop their personalities. That proverb is useful in helping us see that a positive, open, outgoing, happy attitude will attract others, and it reminds us that being negative and introverted puts people off and prevents us from being included in their circle of friends.
God's word gives us a lot of advice about how to seek out the right kind of friends, and shows us what we need to do to attract them. "The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray" (Proverbs 12:26). If we hang around with those who have poor ethics and are devoid of godly character, we will soon find ourselves pulled down to their level. "Do not be misled, bad company corrupts good morals" (1 Corinthians 15:33, NIV). This principle applies not only spiritually, but also educationally, socially and economically. "Hear, my son, and be wise; and guide your heart in the way. Do not mix with winebibbers, or with gluttonous eaters of meat; for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and drowsiness will clothe a man with rags" (Proverbs 23:19–21).
When an immoral person enters our circle of friends, the whole group is at risk of being corrupted. When the Apostle Paul learned that the members of the Corinthian congregation were tolerating an unrepentant, sexually immoral man, he commanded them to put that person out of their fellowship (1 Corinthians 5:1–6). Perhaps they had hoped that this man, by associating with them, would improve his behavior, but Paul discerned otherwise, telling them: "Your glorying is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump?" (v. 6).
Disfellowshipment, as Paul commanded in the above verses, is a tool God expects his ministers to use wisely, to show love and concern for the sinner, and to protect the flock from those who do not want to give up the ways of the world. "I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people. Yet I certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world." Paul did not mean that it is acceptable to "buddy around" with unconverted sinners in the world. However, we must deal with them in business and as neighbors, and we must always set a good example of how a Christian lives, in our honesty, courtesy and helpfulness, being at peace with them as much as is possible. "But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person" (1 Corinthians 5:9–11). We are only brothers in Christ if we have the Spirit of the Father in us.
On the other hand, God calls people with problems into His Church. Those people need good Christian role models, and positive reinforcement, to help them overcome and grow in grace and knowledge. As long as they are making a real effort to repent and improve their lives, as Christ intends— and they are not deliberately practicing the way of sin—they can be helped. This is a determination that God's ministers must make, as they counsel and teach each individual struggling with a difficult personal situation. It is not our place to condemn anyone; we are not called to judge, but with God's Spirit in us we are allowed to be "fruit inspectors"—using godly discernment, God's law, love and patience as our standard. "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself" (Philippians 2:3).
All of us who want to improve in some area of our physical or spiritual lives need to associate with others who have succeeded in that area. Associating with people who have the same shortcomings as we do will often prevent us from succeeding—and may even make our problems worse. Instead, we should seek friendships with people who can teach us what we need to know about God's ways, and who have a proven track record of successful Christian living. This will inspire, encourage and reinforce our growth and overcoming. "He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed" (Proverbs 13:20).
Every one of us needs help, and we can all learn from others—if we are wise enough to watch and listen. Discerning right from wrong, in the light of God's word, we can learn from those who have gone before us (Titus 2:1–8). But what about those who do not want to change their lives for the better? To them, God says: "A scoffer does not love one who corrects him, nor will he go to the wise" (Proverbs 15:12).
God's Church has many members who are spiritually strong in the faith of Christ—and who, through long experience and endurance, have shown themselves to be good examples. Such mature Christians should never shrink back from willingly giving of themselves to help others, when asked. "We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak [overlook the failings and knowledge gaps of new brethren and the young], and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification. For even Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, 'The reproaches of those who reproached You fell on Me'" (Romans 15:1–3).
Perhaps it might seem more "fun" to be with those we already know, and with whom we feel comfortable—our clique, "our kind of people"—but this is not how God has called us to act. We are to "extend the right hand of fellowship" when people come to us, as the apostles in Jerusalem did when Paul came to them to inquire whether he was preaching the ways of God appropriately (Galatians 2:1–10). By now, the older brethren in God's Church should have gained the knowledge and wisdom to teach—by their example, not just their words—those who inquire of them, even while they are learning more themselves. "For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the first principles of the oracles of God; and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil" (Hebrews 5:12–14).
As we grow closer to the stature of Jesus Christ in love, spiritual discernment and conversion, we will be better able to follow His example of being a friend to those in need. Jesus could empathize with the friendless, the poor and those downtrodden by the cruelties of this evil world. Everyone needs friends who will "rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion" (Romans 12:15–16).
God warns us that the people we thought were our friends will sometimes turn on us and hurt us—even those who professed to be our brothers or sisters in Christ. "For it is not an enemy who reproaches me; then I could bear it. Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me; then I could hide from him. But it was you, a man my equal, my companion and my acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together, and walked to the house of God in the throng" (Psalm 55:12–14). The Masoretic Text puts the KJV rendering of Proverbs 18:24 in a slightly different light: "There are friends that one hath to his own hurt; but there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother"
What about that phrase—"but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother"? Humanly speaking, most of us have one or more people in our lives we consider our "best friends." If you are married, your spouse certainly ought to be your "best friend," and ideally your family members should be as well. Perhaps you have a dear friend from your school days, or who shared with you the joys and sorrows of a job or a trial in your lives. We all have many acquaintances, and we should be grateful for them and encourage them, but they do not share with us the same closeness as do our true personal friends.
The very best friend is one in whom we can confide and entrust our deepest, most private thoughts, frustrations and concerns. Such a friend will always keep these conversations in the strictest confidence, and will provide the help we need, offering love and support rather than condemnation. We eagerly give our time—and even our very lives, if need be—for such a dear and close friend.
Close friendships do not happen all at once; they grow, over time, through continual communication and association. Rarely, someone will seek us out as a friend even before we are aware of their interest in us. A young shepherd named David had such a friendship with a prince of Israel: "I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; you have been very pleasant to me; your love to me was wonderful, surpassing the love of women" (2 Samuel 1:26).
Do you have such a friend? Yes, you do! "We love Him because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19).
Jesus Christ is the very best friend we could ever hope to have. Before we knew Him, He loved us enough to give up the glory and power He possessed for eternity with the Father. Even before we were born, He was willing to sacrifice His perfect body for our healing and His righteous blood in payment for our sins. He risked everything to save us. That is real love and true friendship—outgoing, sincere, deep and undeniable. We have a blood obligation to reciprocate that love and, through His Spirit, shower it upon all mankind, by sharing the precious truth God has given us. "This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you" (John 15:12–15).
Our Elder Brother, Jesus Christ, is the perfect example of how to be a balanced, caring, loving friend to those around us. If we follow His teaching and His example, we will enjoy His friendship—and that of His firstfruits—now and forever.
We, the soon-to-be-born children of God, have the greatest opportunity and responsibility ever offered to any human beings in all history: "Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma" (Ephesians 5:1–2). How can we ever let down such a great friend, to whom we owe so much?