Though family should be a word eliciting feelings of safety, security, and cherished memories, many experience family life as a struggle for survival. Under Satan’s oppressive influence, cruelty all too often exists in families.
What is the impact of receiving cruel or abusive language from an early age? What can help to prevent or overcome it?
According to Neuroscience News, “Research has shown that when words are routinely used by the adults in their lives to humiliate, shame or control children, they can alter the developing brain…. Definitions of verbal abuse vary, but it is generally characterised by a sustained pattern of behaviour where criticism, threats or rejection of the child leads them to feel routinely belittled, blamed, threatened, frightened or ridiculed” (May 11, 2025).
Researchers found that “children who were verbally abused experienced a range of negative consequences throughout their lives—most commonly delinquent behavior, depression, aggression, conduct disorders, substance use, and anger. Other studies linked verbal abuse to depression, abuse perpetration, neurobiological changes, and physical health outcomes including obesity and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease” (Psychology Today, October 10, 2023).
What parent’s patience has not, regrettably, worn thin at times, resulting in frustrated and hastily spoken words? There is sadly no “unsend” button for unkind speech, though a kind word and sincere apology can help mitigate damage. Do you seek kindness in your speech? Kindness is an intrinsic quality of God’s character—an attribute He desires us to develop (Galatians 5:22–23).
All men intent on pleasing God should consider that “what is desired in a man is kindness” (Proverbs 19:22). Additionally, God counsels fathers to be careful with the nature of the words they speak to their children: “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21). This discouragement can last a lifetime if the verbal abuse is prolonged and consistent.
All women seeking to be honorable and pleasing to God should consider the exemplary speech He lauds as that of a virtuous woman: “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness…. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all’” (Proverbs 31:26–29).
Scripture also commands, “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt” (Colossians 4:6). Jesus Christ tells us, “Have salt in yourselves, and have peace with one another” (Mark 9:50). Salt-seasoned speech serves as a preservative in friendships, marriages, parent-child relationships, and everything in between. When we are careful with our words—extending courteous, kind, gracious, and empathetic thoughts—the positive impact in the lives of our children, spouses, friends, and coworkers is inestimable.
While many today endure challenging circumstances, we all look forward to the coming time of indescribable peace, beauty, cooperation, and joy when humanity will recognize Christ’s kindness and experience its benefits firsthand (Ephesians 2:7). In the meantime, will we foster the enduring quality of kindness? The impact of our kind words may endure far longer than we know—maybe into that very world soon to come.