Throughout life, we all fall into numerous circumstances that we do not create, nor can we control—circumstances that can frustrate, devastate, anger, depress, or even paralyze us. Some examples include the death of a loved one, a natural or man-made disaster that causes severe damage to our home or community, a debilitating accident or serious illness, the loss of a job, a difficult marital or family relationship, or a troublesome boss, fellow employee, or neighbor. Though we may be tempted to ask why we are suffering a problem, asking such a question will often just compound that problem.
But if “Why?” is not the right question, what is the right question? What is the right response to dealing with life’s challenges? The answer begins with acceptance.
Acceptance is recognizing and acknowledging the reality of our situation or circumstance. It is the opposite of denial. Rather than resisting the truth, it’s about yielding to the truth.
A quote attributed to pioneering American psychologist and philosopher William James states that “acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.” Frustration, anger, depression, or paralysis may be natural reactions—but they are not acceptance. Until we accept what has happened or is happening to us, we cannot properly move forward.
Years ago, I was wisely told, “The world is not a perfect place, and that’s upsetting to you.” It stung me, but it was true. Since then, I’ve had to learn to ask God to help me accept and handle circumstances that are not the way I’d like them to be.
Ask the Right Questions
Our human tendency is to try to avoid any or all unpleasant situations as much as possible, so we often refuse to accept circumstances that upset us. We try to do everything we can to change those conditions—but sometimes that’s impossible. Consider the Apostle Paul’s perspective on the circumstances he faced (2 Corinthians 4:6–11, 16). He knew that God desired to form Christ in him, and he knew that everything God either allowed or orchestrated was aimed at achieving that ultimate goal. Armed with that perspective, Paul could place all his hardships in their proper context.
One key to accepting difficult circumstances resides in determining what is within our control and what is beyond our control. Our own actions and reactions are within our control. Everything else is beyond it. This is why I was also advised not to ask why when facing difficult circumstances, but to instead ask, “What can and should I do about it now?” This helps focus our thoughts and energies in the right place, and it’s the first step to moving forward. It means asking such questions as:
- Do I need to seek counsel?
- Do I need to let myself grieve and seek support from others who have faced the same challenges?
- What assistance or benefits are available?
- Do I need to change my perspective about my family situation—or my approach to my spouse or children?
- What choices do I have in dealing with my illness?
- Can I ask for a transfer at work, or make a lateral transition to another position?
- Is it time to look for another job or to move somewhere that will be better for me?
There are often solutions open to us if we ask the right questions—if we’re willing to look at things differently and not try to force our circumstances to go the way we want them to.
We must always remember that, regardless of the twists and turns that come our way, we are in the capable hands of God, who uses our experiences to form His mind in us and to secure our place in His Family (Romans 8:28). God can use any circumstance to achieve His purpose. It is crucial that we respond to our hardships with God’s greater purpose in mind—otherwise, we will make our circumstances even more difficult in our futile efforts to control the way we experience life.
With this in mind, we should commit all our circumstances to God, beseeching Him and trusting Him to direct and to intervene (Proverbs 3:5–6). With a proper perspective—a big-picture focus—and with God’s capable direction and intervention, our difficult circumstances in life need not frustrate, defeat, or paralyze us. Instead, armed with God’s help and a right approach, we can find acceptance and a way forward that will produce peace of mind—and, in the end, the mind of God in us.