Our youth camps give evidence that we have a terrific group of young people in the Living Church of God. No, they are not perfect. They have typical preteen and teenage insecurities and are still trying to figure out how they fit into the grand scheme of things, but most are respectful, caring, and striving to do the right thing. There are occasional exceptions—and we know that they act differently when around adults than among their peers—but many are doing better than we did at the same age. We can be thankful for that!
That said, influence from others is a powerful force working on teens as they seek acceptance from those around them. Peer pressure plays on fears of being ostracized or made fun of. This is not new. We all went through it and—if we are introspective and honest with ourselves—we must acknowledge that we often are still powerfully influenced by our peers. Adults are swayed by those around them, as well as by their children’s constant requests and demands. Parenting is not easy, and saying no—and sticking with it—is sometimes difficult.
New technologies in the last 15 years, pushed along by peer pressure, have drastically changed our world. Creators of electronic media platforms use powerful addictive techniques to hold us on their sites as long as possible, for one reason only—money. As Facebook founder Sean Parker confessed with regret in an Axios interview:
When Facebook was getting going, I had these people who would come up to me and they would say, “I’m not on social media.” And I would say, “OK. You know, you will be.” And then they would say, “No... I value my real-life interactions. I value the moment. I value presence. I value intimacy.” And I would say... “We’ll get you eventually.”… I don’t know if I really understood the consequences of what I was saying, because [of] the unintended consequences of a network when it grows to a billion or 2 billion people and... it literally changes your relationship with society, with each other.... It probably interferes with productivity in weird ways. God only knows what it’s doing to our children’s brains.… The thought process that went into building these applications, Facebook being the first of them... was all about: “How do we consume as much of your time and conscious attention as possible?”… And that means that we need to sort of give you a little dopamine hit every once in a while, because someone liked or commented on a photo or a post or whatever. And that’s going to get you to contribute more content, and that’s going to get you... more likes and comments…. It’s a social-validation feedback loop... exactly the kind of thing that a hacker like myself would come up with, because you’re exploiting a vulnerability in human psychology…. The inventors, creators—it’s me, it’s Mark [Zuckerberg], it’s Kevin Systrom on Instagram, it’s all of these people—understood this consciously. And we did it anyway (“Sean Parker unloads on Facebook: ‘God only knows what it’s doing to our children’s brains,’” Axios.com, November 9, 2017, emphasis added).
More than one early creator of these platforms has expressed regrets and would like to turn back time—but, as the children’s nursery rhyme goes, Humpty Dumpty is broken and cannot be put back together again. The result is that a huge percentage of our children are addicted to these devices. During one Christian Living class at camp this past summer, Mr. Everett McNair pointed to studies showing that the average teen spends three to five hours a day on social media. Think of how much better they could use that time!
Sadly, even many of us adults are addicted to social media as well, while also being in denial. Few are willing to admit it, and fewer still are willing to do something about it—just as the smoker or alcoholic refuses to admit he has a problem. So, if we seek to justify our habit, how can we blame our children who spend, on average, between three and five hours a day glued to their feeds?
This is not the first article we have published on the subject, nor do we have only one sermon addressing this problem. Alarm bells regarding the misuse of cellphones and social media were sounded not long after the majority of teens possessed smartphones, which seems to have occurred around the mid-2010s. The March-April 2018 Tomorrow’s World magazine included an article advising us to “Tame the Social Media Monster,” asking, “Is it Time to ‘De-Friend’ Social Media?” Perhaps the somewhat cartoonish cover we chose for that issue did not give the subject the gravity it needed.
This is merely a reminder, a loving exhortation, for all of us to evaluate the path we are walking. As Paul admonished, “See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:15–16). Those are important instructions. We must walk the path of life with our eyes wide open to the influences around us—and we must be wise in the use of our time.
Solomon obviously knew nothing about modern electronic devices, but the principles he taught of guarding our hearts and pondering the paths we walk through life nevertheless apply. “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life…. Let your eyes look straight ahead, and your eyelids look right before you. Ponder the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established. Do not turn to the right or the left; remove your foot from evil” (Proverbs 4:23, 25–27).
Most of us realize that our world is beset by the problem of how to deal with technologies that offer genuine value but also hold a very dark side. The question is, “What do we do about it?” The plain truth is that any lasting solution to the dangers of misusing social media—and the Internet in general—must come as a family solution.
Here are some helpful tips on how to deal with this troublesome issue that is so central to our day-to-day world.
Recognize the Problem
To bring screen time under control in your family, you must first look into the mirror at how you personally use your devices. Many of us spend much of our day looking at screens doing legitimate work. We need these tools to function in our workaday world, and they truly are wonderful helps that enable us to accomplish tasks more efficiently and effectively. However, it is important to be circumspect about our screen time outside of work—whether it is on a computer, smartphone, or television.
Algorithms created by big tech companies evaluate who you are and how best to keep you connected as long as possible. Why? Because then they can advertise to you the very products you are most interested in. If you are into health food, they will know it and cater to you. Funny animal videos? No problem! They will give you not only real animal behaviors, but also made-up, A.I.-generated videos.
The problem we face is that watching a funny or instructive video, whether real or A.I.-generated, is not evil in itself. Which one of us has not watched a humorous video and passed it along to a friend? The problem is the amount of time spent entertaining ourselves with frivolous, unproductive scrolling. Time is life, and too many children—and adults—are scrolling life away. Take a good look in the mirror, be honest with yourself, and do something about it (James 1:23–26). Jesus’ brother James did not know about modern electronic devices, but the principle of self-examination followed by action applies to life in general. James goes on to explain a better use of our time than endless scrolling: “Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world” (James 1:27).
Be an Example
It is not good enough to preach to our teens to put down their phones. The starting place is for adults to set an example. For our children’s sake, we must show by our actions how to use these new technologies properly—or, maybe better stated, how not to use them.
The starting place is to first admit that our own habits may need to be altered. Just as a smoker does not know what to do with his hands when he is not holding a cigarette, many of us feel uncomfortable sitting on a bus, dining out, or waiting for the nurse to call us in to see the doctor unless we are doing something. Our phones are indeed our comfort blankets! We are losing the ability to sit quietly and think and are feeding a growing addiction that is enslaving us.
The sound of pings or vibrations is never far away, piquing our curiosity. It is natural to feel called upon to see who or what it is and to answer right away, dropping everything. Many believe that it is rude not to respond right away or as soon as possible. But is that true? Who set the etiquette rule that one must drop whatever one is doing and immediately acknowledge, reply to, or otherwise continue an endless social media conversation? Obviously, there is a time to respond quickly to an urgent matter, but should we be led around by this dubious convention like a bull with a ring in its nose?
When Lazarus was sick and died, it is interesting that Jesus did not respond by going to him immediately. We understand that there was an important reason—that Jesus waited until everyone was certain of Lazarus’ death—but He felt no pressure to respond right away. We also know that God does not respond to our requests immediately every time we call on Him.
Set Age-Appropriate Limits
In one Topics and Dance evening at our Texas teen camp this year, a teen asked his peers, “How old do you think someone should be before being given a cell phone?” This was anecdotal and a very small sampling, but the answers fell into the 14–15 age range, and one respondent added that a flip phone will suffice for any real needs at that age. But though they commented this way, I wonder how many of them were clamoring for a smartphone a few years earlier.
A couple of years ago, Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness examined the connection between the rise of social media and the measurable rise of anxiety, depression, self-harm, suicide, and other mental health issues worldwide. Among his advice to parents: No smartphones before high school, and no social media before age 16. Some notable authorities recommend that no one under 16 have a personal Internet-connected device at all. But how many fathers hold the line by resisting their children’s tears, rants, and comparisons to “all my friends”?
Parenting is tough, and being a single parent must be even more challenging. Sadly, we as adults too often resemble Adam or Samson, who relented to pressure, rather than Joshua, who declared, “But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15). No, it is not easy, but there are things we can do to mitigate the effects of media upon our families.
Institute Family Traditions
Moms and dads must put down their phones and engage their children in more productive and rewarding pursuits. Eating together as a family has been deemphasized over the last half-century. Children often miss eating with the family due to soccer, swimming, baseball, dance, and other extracurricular activities. But which is more important for your vulnerable children—learning organized basketball or maintaining strong relationships with their parents? Balance in this is important, as some outside activities can be valuable, but the course of this world comes at us from many directions.
Technological distractions began prior to smartphones. Blaring the television during dinner has been a common habit for many over the last 70 years. After all, dinnertime is considered time to catch up on the news of the day—somehow, knowing what is happening in the world seems more important than knowing what is happening in the minds of children and spouses. Is solving a Wheel of Fortune phrase more important than developing loving relationships among those in our households? Oh, how electronics have changed us as individuals!
Turning off the television is good for our marriages and for our children, as is shutting off our smartphones and Dick Tracy-like super-watches. Shutting them off may seem like a scary adventure, but really—consider how people lived prior to these inventions. You won’t die from turning them off, but you might grow as a family. Other traditions could include turning off notifications after a certain time in the evening, or not checking your phone until after breakfast. If those suggestions seem difficult, to use a Jeff Foxworthy-like expression, “You just might be a smartphone addict.” And, again, what did people do before these devices became ubiquitous less than 15 years ago? How did they survive? Really—think about it.
The Apostle Paul explained to the Corinthians that while desires for food and sex are normal and lawful in the right contexts, we must control those desires. “All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify” (1 Corinthians 10:23). Earlier, Paul stated something very important: “All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods, but God will destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body” (1 Corinthians 6:12–13). Does not the same apply to our use of modern electronics? There is a right use, but we are not to be slaves to them—“not be brought under the power of any.”
The list of good family traditions is endless. One might be to set aside one meal each week to discuss how your family can expand its horizons regarding the use of time. Another tradition could be having a family night for games, an outdoor excursion, or other recreational activity, leaving phones behind. What a leap of faith that might be! That is what we do at our summer camps, and we have clearly seen the benefits that result. Frankly, it is a greater challenge for some parents than for most teens.
Another idea could be to begin a family hobby that involves more than one of you—father and son, mother and daughter, husband and wife. At our Texas teen camp this past year, the young ladies greatly enjoyed learning how to preserve food. You could plant a family garden, learn to play a musical instrument, or learn a foreign language with the goal of using it while visiting a foreign country during the Feast.
Let Us Have Courage
The genie is out of the bottle and cannot be put back, short of Christ’s return and the total reordering of the course of this world. However, we each have choices to make. Former U.S. President Ronald Reagan summed up how we are to face many of the challenges in life, saying that there are no easy answers, but there are simple answers, and we must have the courage to do what we know is morally right. Yes, with God’s guidance, let us have that courage!