When the Worldwide Church of God fell into apostasy, many of those I had grown up with chose to leave God’s truth. At that time, I was struck by God’s command, “I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life” (Deuteronomy 30:19). I stood on the threshold of motherhood, and I prayed often that God would help me teach my children so that, when it came time for them to choose between life and death, they could make the right decision.
But how do we teach our children so that, when they are old enough, they can make an informed decision to choose life?
While God tells fathers that they are to teach their children, a lot of responsibility falls to mothers because of the way God designed the family structure. Certainly, dads should teach their children God’s laws—and set household rules that help their families live within those laws—but since moms generally spend more time at home with the children, we have countless opportunities to show them God’s laws in action. It is important that both parents show their children that they support each other’s decisions—if they disagree, sitting privately and sorting things out is a far better example than yelling from different sides of the house or going for days saying only a few words to each other.
All of us were raised by imperfect human parents. Perhaps your parents set a “good Church-family example” but showed more carnal attitudes behind closed doors. Thankfully, you can decide to make your parenting different. You can make purposeful decisions to help make choosing life a little easier for your own children.
Helping Them Delight in the Sabbath
As moms, our day-to-day living—how we react to the ups and downs of circumstances and the choices we make—is a big part of what living God’s way looks like to our children. We can accidentally make God’s way look like a burden if we just tell our kids things like, No, you can’t play on a baseball team, because most games are on the Sabbath. Why make God’s way seem like something that only says no? God says, “My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:30). A caring and involved mother can help her children understand that God’s laws help them enjoy the benefits of having fun without the repercussions that come from skewed priorities: Living God’s way is better than being on the baseball team, and I can still join a pickup game every so often. That’s a much better conclusion than God won’t let me.
Speaking of the Sabbath—can our children delight in it? Or is it a day when we are too busy studying to talk to them and a day full of things they can’t do? Family Sabbath traditions can provide fun ways to help set the day apart from other days, though what works for one family may not work for another. One mother may enjoy making an elaborate meal to welcome the Sabbath, but having a simple bowl of soup may be better for another family. In every family, the lesson should be that shutting out the world marks the beginning of a Sabbath evening spent reflecting on God and His way of life.
The Sabbath should not be a day when Mommy is consumed by study, but rather a day when she can go outside and watch ants with the three-year-old, or when the twelve-year-old can help her make a nice breakfast that doesn’t have to be rushed. Perhaps the Sabbath can be a day for the family to have lunch in a garden park or for brethren to visit. These experiences create pleasant Sabbath memories rather than memories of restrictions.
When my boys were still at an age when toys on the floor would distract them from the need to get dressed for Sabbath services, I wanted to motivate them to focus on getting ready. So, I kept a jar filled with chocolates on the piano, and when it was time to get ready for services, if the boys could “beat Dad” in getting dressed, they would each get a chocolate. It became a fun Sabbath game—we now have fond memories of giggling little boys army-crawling into our room to snatch my husband’s dress shoes and toss them down the hall to “slow Daddy down,” and they would beg me to help them tie their ties faster because “Daddy is going to win!” Later, we drove long circuits between congregations, so when we discovered a fun shop that sold LEGO and LEGO-compatible toys, we made it a custom to stop there after the Sabbath was over so the boys could look around.
Those are among the strategies that worked for us, but in every family there are ways to make the Sabbath something in which your children delight.
Helping Them Learn from Deleavening
When the Spring Holy Days draw near, we might think, I need to spring-clean, and I can combine that with deleavening! But does this approach make our children start to dread the Days of Unleavened Bread?
Be careful not to let preparation for the Days of Unleavened Bread become frustrating and overly time-consuming. Remember what God’s command actually says: “You shall remove leaven from your houses. For whoever eats leavened bread from the first day until the seventh day, that person shall be cut off from Israel” (Exodus 12:15). Note that He does not say you must go through every drawer looking for leaven that no one would have put there anyway. If it is not your normal practice to hide cookies in a closet, why must you deleaven that closet? If you have a toddler who may have eaten a cookie in the closet, a quick vacuuming is enough—everything doesn’t need to be pulled apart.
Children—even little children—can certainly help clean. But do they have to endure Mom’s inspecting everything with a white glove to ensure that not a crumb has been overlooked? It’s much more encouraging to hand a seven-year-old the vacuum and say, “Okay, we need to deleaven your bedroom,” and then help to pull toys out from under the bed so the child can use the vacuum attachment. While you help, you can talk about why you are doing this.
There doesn’t have to be fear of missing a single crumb, as if obeying God’s command hinges on it. The self-evaluation we do to draw closer to God is much more important. With older kids, we can explain that we can’t remove all the physical leaven, because yeast spores are in the air—and that this reminds us of how we can never be rid of all our sin without His help. God said to get the leavened food and leavening agents out, so we do that, but we focus more on the internal self-examination that goes on during that time of year.
Teach what God says to do without making His way harder than it needs to be. Perhaps “spring” cleaning can take place in early summer, if you feel it’s necessary—but as children grow, make sure they understand the difference between the practice of spring cleaning and the biblical command to deleaven. Don’t add to God’s law—help your children choose life.
Helping Them Rejoice at the Feast
The world can make the Feast of Tabernacles difficult for our children. Getting time off for the Feast can be a real challenge for those in public or private schools—and then there’s the issue of getting all that homework done. How we choose to encourage our kids to complete their schoolwork can make a lasting impact. Letting them do schoolwork during services may teach them that homework is more important than the Feast messages, so planning an evening or two to focus on schoolwork—when there are no scheduled Church activities—would be a better approach.
Even better, if the school allows extra days to make up assignments, is to leave the schoolbooks at home and take on the challenge of making up the work before or after the Feast. Our children then learn that being at the Feast means being at the Feast. Yes, that can make things harder when preparing to leave or returning home, but it’s worth the memories your children will have of truly being present at the Feast. Through this, they can learn an important lesson: If we put God first, He will help us when we must do hard things—like making up a week’s worth of schoolwork in much less time.
If you serve at the Feast, be extra careful not to neglect spending valuable time with the family. The Feast should not feel like a time when Mommy is always gone in the choir and Daddy is always running the sound system, so the teens always have to watch their siblings. Instead, help them recognize that their opportunities for service are part of something meaningful and that God sees and rewards faithfulness. Make sure to point out when God has given your family a special blessing. If needed, ask God to help you see the blessings. Be specific—point out when the family activity everyone was looking forward to goes especially well. Perhaps you planned a hike, and although the forecast called for rain, all was sunny. Or perhaps God provided a generous donation from an anonymous source, allowing your family to attend the dinner portion of the Feast dinner and dance. Make sure to point out that when we serve God and His people, He blesses us.
God’s way of life comes with difficulties. As moms, let’s ensure that we don’t make living His way seem harder than it is. Instead, let’s show our children how it has made our lives better. Even when trials weigh heavily on our families, we can explain to our precious children how we can count it all joy and how God never lets us down.
Teaching and showing our children right from wrong, life from death, blessing from cursing, is vital. Because one day—and that day may come sooner than you expect—they will have set before them a choice between life and death. Help them make an educated decision to choose life.